Shit my dad says

Speaking of twitter, my dad says some funny shit too.

This is actually a holdover from when I first was toying with relocating the blog. About the same time I made a short trip to Phoenix, where I caught up with family. I noticed something about my dad during that trip. The older he gets, the harder he is to relate to. But an interesting side effect of age, he is less and less inhibited about what he says and how he acts. So while he now devotes almost his entire leisure life to shooting animals, he does so with a certain amount of gusto and openness that I really find it entertaining.

Same thing with politics. His politics get shittier the older he gets, but he’s so open and careless in how he relates his stances, that I actually really enjoy talking with him about current affairs. I think he’s wrong half the time, but he’s so open and engaging in his opinions that it’s great talking to him about them.

In my last visit home he had some real zingers.

We’re having dinner and he enters a tirade: “This lady on NPR was calling into a show going on and on about whether she should accept her mother on facebook as a friend. If I could have reached through the radio through that woman’s phone I would have ripped this person’s heart out. Because #1, No your mother shouldn’t be on your facebook page. That’s a no brainer. And #2 I don’t even know what facebook is. And #3, get a life!”

Along with facebook, my dad finds texting to be annoying, and immasculine. He picked up something called a “man card” probably from some redneck comedian. Too much texting loses your man card.

Then later, we went to his house, and “So you think you can dance” was on and he was suddently locked into attention. “Oh is he going to go home tonight. Oh if he goes home i’m going to be really upset. See, this guy makes all of his own jewelry and his own outfits. He doesn’t even use the managers. He lost his man card by the way. Oh I think he’s going home tonight. See he’s an incredible dancer. All of his solo work is incredible. But the problem is, he doesn’t connect with his partner. All the judges say, he’s very talented but he doesn’t make a connection.”

Later we’ll be talking about how he really likes a new representative in the state, or about hunting trips he has coming up and stops, looks at the TV, and says, “Oh that dance was just incredible. This bunch of dancers is hands down the best selection they’ve ever had on this show.”

My stepmom started talking about how Obama’s health care plan is going to turn us into a socialist country, and all of those illegal immigrants will have health care paid for.

My dad breaks in and says, “Now hold on that’s not true, and there’s a lot of stuff going around about the health care bill that’s not true. Tate and my cousin Roy have really clipped my wings when it comes to spreading around rumours about that, cause there’s just a lot of incorrect information out there.”

Later he says, “The main problem I have with Obama’s health care plan, is that the whole thing is so damn screwed up I can’t imagine how he’s going to fix it in just four months. It seems like he’s just playing politics for midterm elections.”

My sister and I were driving home that night and she said, “I’m glad you and Dad got to talk about politics in person. So you can realize you aren’t really that different. Instead of all those stupid email forwards.”

“Yeah, me too.”

The next afternoon and lunch, we got to talking more about reality TV.

“John and Kate plus eight, those people should be publicly flogged. No I mean it, I don’t think many people should be publicly flogged, but those two, definitely. And we should take their children taken away. Give them to Angelina, she needs more Asian children. She’s probably a better mother.”

I love it when he gets cocktails at lunch

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One Response to Shit my dad says

  1. Mike says:

    I’m pretty sure that you’re dad and my dad are the same person. Except, instead of a man card in his wallet, my dad has a concealled weapons lisense.

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