One to Twenty

While in Minneapolis, my friend and regional director Dave gave me some insight into his relationship history by way of a scale he has developed to rate people’s insanity. More specifically, he has developed a scale to gauge the craziness of each woman he’s dated. It’s fairly simple, which is the scale’s strength and weakness. One to twenty, twenty being bat-shit, fuckall nuts. One lacking any neurosis or psychological difficulty.

Dave prefaces this by saying that any woman automatically starts off at 13.

This became a fun late-night bar discussion, in which he rated everyone and their significant other. One common theme we spotted is that men with the lowest number often couple with the women boasting the highest numbers. David L and I, for example, are pretty low numbers. Both Tauruses, grounded and set in our ways. David’s fiancee is way up there. And I came to the conclusion that I’ve never really been attracted to anyone rated under a solid 17, like a moth to a flame.

The scale is fun, although limited in scope. It’s been kicking around the office. Mary is in many ways high on the scale, very low in others. Camila is way up there, easily an 18. Alan is moderate, but dates in the high teens. Although his current girlfriend is like a 9.

Before now, he’s had a checkered past of fleeting flings and lack of commitment. Now he’s all domestic. I joked the other day that we’ve switched roles, romantically. I used to be relationship guy, and recently my dating patterns have become more confusing and volatile. He laughed at the thought and said, “Welcome to hell.” I didn’t say it, but thought in the back of my head that it would have been funny if I’d said, “Likewise.”

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