October, in retrospect
October is my favorite month of all time. Leaves change, rain and clouds move in. Winter beers hit the market. You get that smell, fall has the best smell. It happens in a day. One day you go outside and the sun’s just starting to go down and all of a sudden it’s like your at a high school football game or a church carnival. Then the whole month peaks with Halloween on the very last day. Internet at the house has been down so I haven’t blogged much lately. Here’s some pictures from the whole month.
Sara has this thing where she has to go to the pumpkin patch on her birthday. This was a wonderful day all in all. We went to the Matador with Gillian and then ended the whole thing with a wine and crab dinner that lasted like two hours. The pumpkin patch was goddamn fiasco though. We went to Sauvie Island, a huge island north of Portland known for its produce, corn maze and nude beaches. And toward the end of October, apparently, its pumpkin patch turns into a motherfucking zoo, starring every piece of white trash in the greater Portland area and their fat whining babies gorging themselves on carmel corn and fry bread. Alright, so maybe it wasn’t that bad.
As you can imagine, this process took a very long time. See all of those pumpkins back there? They all suck. A pumpkin patch so massive, and yet all the good ones were gone by the time we got there, like a pickup bar after last call. Take a moment to think about that. Hundreds, thousands of pumpkins just don’t ever get picked, year after year. Bad shape, no stem, too big, too small. Skin disease. No love for any of them. Maybe it’s the media’s fault. All those Halloween decorations with the perfect little pumpkin shape, that in reality doesn’t even exist. And all the other mishapen pumpkins live lives of self-hate. Stuffing their faces with Cherry Garcia and Doritos and cutting themselves when nobody’s looking. Okay, enough of that. Look at these cute girls now.
There’s only one bridge off of Sauvie Island. The line of cars was probably five miles long, starting at the patch parking lot and creeping along all the way to Portland. It was horrible. Traffic so unbearably awful, that an understated ‘congestion’ sign was not helpful, but cruel and mean-spirited. Like a sign in hell that says ‘hot,’ or like someone punching a handicapped man in the dick.
Sara loves crab. For a vegetarian she really revels in eating a once-live creature whole. It was an excellent meal. Gillian told this story about how when she was little she loved to eat sticks of butter. Her mom and dad let her do it and throughout her childhood she had shiny, gleaming hair.
We had a kickass Halloween party. Biggest party we’ve had yet, and it went till like 6 in the morning, just like the Snoop Dogg song. Except our downstairs neighbor’s mama was in fact home and she came up and got wasted. The zombie costume gets better every year.
The masterpiece of the party was the bathroom. I put tomato soup all over an old T-shirt and put a bloody knife and other kitchen tools with it in the bathtub. We got a scary sound effects CD and played it on repeat. Spooky.
Lacey and Megan. Later in the night, Lacey would lean against our front steps’ railing and crash through, breaking the rail and falling about 10 feet below. She wasn’t hurt at all. It was a Halloween miracle.
True story: This girl below, Andrea, is a new canvasser. She’s really cool and loves the office and the job. She came to the party as a pregnant nun, had a great time. Danced and danced. After the party she got really sick. Missed work Monday and Tuesday. She thought she had food poisoning or appendicitis. On Wednesday she called the office and said she had gone to the doctor and found out she’s actually pregnant. Sometimes God has a real bastard of a sense of humor.
Sara had one of the best costumes of the night. Scary zombie cheerleader. Gillian made her Strawberry Shortcake costume herself and even sewed in strawberry car air fresheners in so she would smell like the dolls. I got all drunk and every time I saw her told her she smelled like the dentist.
Weber was Joey Ramone, but he looked like Howard Stern. This Chinese girl celebrated her first Halloween at our house. It was an honor. First time drinking out of a keg too. She totally hooked up with Weber on our couch too. I thought maybe she mistook that as his real hair, and fell for him because she “love the American punk rock.” Only to be shocked in the morning to find short, greying blonde hair under the wig.