More Hooky

After about an hour of internal and external debate, Sara and I both decided to call out of work. I had an extra day banked and it was fucking freezing. High of 32. Ice still on the roads. My driveway is about a 30 degree angle and bordered by a rock wall on either side. Iced over, it’s terrifying. Especially with the image of that car overturned less than a block away. Neither of our bosses seemed terribly surprised. Mandela came over about five minutes before we’re supposed to be at work. I was in a bathrobe and slippers. He seemed relieved and called in as well. We agreed that we had all made a great decision by not going to work. The decision became more about not wanting to work than not being capable of going to work, since the temperatures rose and the ice and snow largely melted by 4. We spent the early afternoon avoiding getting dressed, then braved the cold and grey for a trip to Fred Meyer.

After a highly successful grocery trip, we were waiting in line and trying to predict the total. The wildcard was the cheese, an expensive and crucial part of the purchase. We started talking about how, if there were a shortage, I’d pay twice the cost to keep having cheese. And if there were a war in the Middle East to acquire more cheese, I’d support it. “Would you fight on the frontlines for the cheese, or just put on a bumper sticker?” Sara asked. I told her I’d enlist. And she would go to anti-war protests where people shouted ‘no blood for cheese,’ and stand across the picket line and shout about how I was over there making the ultimate sacrifice so they could have cheese. ‘Cheese isn’t free!’ she’d shout. And they’d say there are cheese alternatives, and she’d say the technology isn’t ready yet. A woman got in line behind us and was very concerned. “There’s a cheese war?” No, we said and she was relieved. She works in food science at the health sciences university. I asked her if she knew Michael Newman, a friend who does food taste tests at OHSU regularly. She didn’t.

I made homemade hummus and sort of homemade salsa. Wearing my robe again and reading comic books. I think we’re going out to a nearby bar later. I’m glad I didn’t go to work today.

I canvassed this woman last week, and her daughter had rabbits and a big family of guinea pigs. I stayed at the house for about 15 minutes, holding each animal as she insisted. This is a unique breed of rabbit she had, and the softest thing I’ve ever touched.

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20 Responses to

  1. smdillon@msn.com says:

    Off the subject… I was checking out some Crater Lake stuff and ran across your blog. I worked on the CRLA boat crew from 89 to 93, then NPS-CRLA 95-97. It’s amazing how only the names have changed. Drunks, Earth-muffins, 425’s, cliff-diving at Cleetwood, outings to the Trophy Room (complete with the stuffed elk being attacked by the stuffed cougar) and the occasional ‘escape’ to Medford / K Falls. Congratulations on your survival. 🙂 Scott — Eugene OR

  2. smdillon@msn.com says:

    Off the subject… I was checking out some Crater Lake stuff and ran across your blog. I worked on the CRLA boat crew from 89 to 93, then NPS-CRLA 95-97. It’s amazing how only the names have changed. Drunks, Earth-muffins, 425’s, cliff-diving at Cleetwood, outings to the Trophy Room (complete with the stuffed elk being attacked by the stuffed cougar) and the occasional ‘escape’ to Medford / K Falls. Congratulations on your survival. 🙂 Scott — Eugene OR

  3. JLC says:

    napes would be proud that you’d enlist in the cheese war.

  4. JLC says:

    napes would be proud that you’d enlist in the cheese war.

  5. catfishvegas says:

    Please define two terms in your post:
    “highly successful grocery trip” and
    “sort of homemade salsa”

    Thank you.

  6. catfishvegas says:

    Please define two terms in your post:
    “highly successful grocery trip” and
    “sort of homemade salsa”

    Thank you.

  7. Anonymous says:

    Have you read your own blog lately? in the last 4 months it has totaly changed. It used to be smart and interesting. Now its like you just jack yourself off while you put down anyone you feel isnt as cool as you.
    And it seems like all of a sudden you are trying really hard to convince yourself of love by obsessivly writing about it. Which you never had befor.
    On one hand I feel like you are berating and disgusted by anyone who works
    hard and has or spends money. Like they are some kind of shallow fake shell
    of humans. And like anyone that isn’t as “cool” as you is somehow less
    than. Like you look down on everyone.
    Yet in the next sentence you totaly name drop ( or something like that) by
    saying .. ” Instead I met Sara for lunch at Whole Foods (their sesame tofu
    is one of the best tofu dishes I’ve ever had)”
    Like you are jumping on the Whole Foods bandwagon. You are just so
    contradictory.
    First of all, you arent even from
    Portland, so those ” old bitches” probably look at you with disgust too.
    Those are the people that make the city what it is. My whole family is from
    Portland, and could very well be that lady. Or any person who finally has a
    chance or reason to go buy some presents or whatever for someone they love.
    I just cant imagine someone being so negative and mean towards people you
    don’t know who are out trying to enjoy life a little, just like I assume you are.And take some advice. Give everyone a fucking break.Dont be so incredibly self righteous. Quit drinking so much. Dont be so judgemental of hard working, non-leaching people. And dont laugh at people who kick animals ( from a few posts back)Karma can be a huge fucking bitch when its coming back on you.
    You seem really unhappy. Lighten up…alot.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Have you read your own blog lately? in the last 4 months it has totaly changed. It used to be smart and interesting. Now its like you just jack yourself off while you put down anyone you feel isnt as cool as you.
    And it seems like all of a sudden you are trying really hard to convince yourself of love by obsessivly writing about it. Which you never had befor.
    On one hand I feel like you are berating and disgusted by anyone who works
    hard and has or spends money. Like they are some kind of shallow fake shell
    of humans. And like anyone that isn’t as “cool” as you is somehow less
    than. Like you look down on everyone.
    Yet in the next sentence you totaly name drop ( or something like that) by
    saying .. ” Instead I met Sara for lunch at Whole Foods (their sesame tofu
    is one of the best tofu dishes I’ve ever had)”
    Like you are jumping on the Whole Foods bandwagon. You are just so
    contradictory.
    First of all, you arent even from
    Portland, so those ” old bitches” probably look at you with disgust too.
    Those are the people that make the city what it is. My whole family is from
    Portland, and could very well be that lady. Or any person who finally has a
    chance or reason to go buy some presents or whatever for someone they love.
    I just cant imagine someone being so negative and mean towards people you
    don’t know who are out trying to enjoy life a little, just like I assume you are.And take some advice. Give everyone a fucking break.Dont be so incredibly self righteous. Quit drinking so much. Dont be so judgemental of hard working, non-leaching people. And dont laugh at people who kick animals ( from a few posts back)Karma can be a huge fucking bitch when its coming back on you.
    You seem really unhappy. Lighten up…alot.

  9. Mr. Chair says:

    1. Thanks for the Crater Lake stuff. I love the fact that I’m part of a history of such wild times in the graveyard of the gods. Check out the Life in a Dormant Volcano link. The whole deal is on there. I’d love to hear how things have changed. Thanks for reading.

    2. I would expect Napes to be my general in the cheese war.

    3. Highly successful grocery trip: lots of produce, eggs, big hunk of cheese, under 100 dollars. Sort of Homemade Salsa: Where I take a jar of Pace, chop up green onions, four kinds of peppers, a white onion, throw it all in a blender.

    4. In my own defense, this blog has always been about jacking myself off and putting down those who aren’t as cool as me. That’s why I started it two years ago, and that’s why it continues. Also, I will no longer discuss love on this blog. Ick. Also, I hate Whole Foods. I love New Seasons. Furthermore, those bitches were old, and are bitches. Also, while I try very hard not to work hard, I do not leach. Also, I will not stop drinking so much or stop being so self righteous. Also, kicking animals, sometimes, is fucking funny. See previous posts. Also, do I know you, Anonymous?

    5. Mr Chair has never been so controversial. Spicy! And readership is back on the upswing!

  10. Mr. Chair says:

    1. Thanks for the Crater Lake stuff. I love the fact that I’m part of a history of such wild times in the graveyard of the gods. Check out the Life in a Dormant Volcano link. The whole deal is on there. I’d love to hear how things have changed. Thanks for reading.

    2. I would expect Napes to be my general in the cheese war.

    3. Highly successful grocery trip: lots of produce, eggs, big hunk of cheese, under 100 dollars. Sort of Homemade Salsa: Where I take a jar of Pace, chop up green onions, four kinds of peppers, a white onion, throw it all in a blender.

    4. In my own defense, this blog has always been about jacking myself off and putting down those who aren’t as cool as me. That’s why I started it two years ago, and that’s why it continues. Also, I will no longer discuss love on this blog. Ick. Also, I hate Whole Foods. I love New Seasons. Furthermore, those bitches were old, and are bitches. Also, while I try very hard not to work hard, I do not leach. Also, I will not stop drinking so much or stop being so self righteous. Also, kicking animals, sometimes, is fucking funny. See previous posts. Also, do I know you, Anonymous?

    5. Mr Chair has never been so controversial. Spicy! And readership is back on the upswing!

  11. Anonymous says:

    No, you don’t know me.
    I found your blog awhile back from a crater lake search too and it used to
    be good.
    I’ve been reading waiting for it to get good again. But now its just boring
    and arrogant. Just wanted you to know.
    Also, abusing animals isn’t funny. Its weak. You should be embarrassed.

  12. Anonymous says:

    No, you don’t know me.
    I found your blog awhile back from a crater lake search too and it used to
    be good.
    I’ve been reading waiting for it to get good again. But now its just boring
    and arrogant. Just wanted you to know.
    Also, abusing animals isn’t funny. Its weak. You should be embarrassed.

  13. Eats With Face says:

    Anonymous:

    You have no idea who you are writing about and what kind of person he is. Your posts fill me with both anger and total amusement. First, to suggest that chair is an animal abuser is completely absurd. His loves for cats for example is alarming. He treats them with kindness and care and insists that others do the same. Second, it doesn’t matter if you think chair is arrogant and self-righteous, you don’t know him. In fact he is sincere and accepting. I challenge you to read his posts with a sense of sarcasm and irony, but I bet those old bitches fucking sucked. Next, chair works his ass off. Going door to door is taxing physically and emotionally. It takes a tough fucker to do it. Finally, my own sense of irony leads me to believe that your harsh words for someone you don’t know suggests that you are in fact unhappy and that you need to lighten up. Chill baby be cool! Wait…epiphany…you were one of the old women weren’t you? Aw…damn, I knew this seemed strangely personal. Okay, in that case I think chair should apologize — I mean for karma’s sake.

  14. Eats With Face says:

    Anonymous:

    You have no idea who you are writing about and what kind of person he is. Your posts fill me with both anger and total amusement. First, to suggest that chair is an animal abuser is completely absurd. His loves for cats for example is alarming. He treats them with kindness and care and insists that others do the same. Second, it doesn’t matter if you think chair is arrogant and self-righteous, you don’t know him. In fact he is sincere and accepting. I challenge you to read his posts with a sense of sarcasm and irony, but I bet those old bitches fucking sucked. Next, chair works his ass off. Going door to door is taxing physically and emotionally. It takes a tough fucker to do it. Finally, my own sense of irony leads me to believe that your harsh words for someone you don’t know suggests that you are in fact unhappy and that you need to lighten up. Chill baby be cool! Wait…epiphany…you were one of the old women weren’t you? Aw…damn, I knew this seemed strangely personal. Okay, in that case I think chair should apologize — I mean for karma’s sake.

  15. Anonymous says:

    That’s it!!!! You all motherfuckers kill me!! All I wanted was for a better blog and you wouldn’t do it.. you jqust wouldn’t gigve me what i wna t and now yuou’ll be sorry;. I’m going to kill myself, you MOTHERFUCKERS!!! I hope you watch teh portland news tonight, cause you’re gonnna see me dead!!!! 22 year old male. check it out. on the news tonight. my dad’s name is harvey and my mom’s name is susanne and you’ll see them on the tv screen tonigth oin your local news and you’ll know it wwas YOUR FAULT!!! Why couldn’t you make it like tit was before??? Why do you think you’re so cool? Why do you bag on people and kick animals??? It’s just not rihgt and it’s nogt fair!!! You just let the quality of your blog go downhill for months now and you didn’t care who was reading. Well, when I’m dead, you’ll be fucking sorry ASshole.. You’ll be fucking sorry. there’s blood no your hainds now. So, who’s the bitch now?? Bitch.

  16. Anonymous says:

    That’s it!!!! You all motherfuckers kill me!! All I wanted was for a better blog and you wouldn’t do it.. you jqust wouldn’t gigve me what i wna t and now yuou’ll be sorry;. I’m going to kill myself, you MOTHERFUCKERS!!! I hope you watch teh portland news tonight, cause you’re gonnna see me dead!!!! 22 year old male. check it out. on the news tonight. my dad’s name is harvey and my mom’s name is susanne and you’ll see them on the tv screen tonigth oin your local news and you’ll know it wwas YOUR FAULT!!! Why couldn’t you make it like tit was before??? Why do you think you’re so cool? Why do you bag on people and kick animals??? It’s just not rihgt and it’s nogt fair!!! You just let the quality of your blog go downhill for months now and you didn’t care who was reading. Well, when I’m dead, you’ll be fucking sorry ASshole.. You’ll be fucking sorry. there’s blood no your hainds now. So, who’s the bitch now?? Bitch.

  17. Harvey says:

    My son is dead!!! My son is dead!!!

    Who are you? I still don’t understand what happened. I am in shock. Whatever you did to bring my son to this point of desperation, know that you will receive bitter punishment in return. It’s Christmas and my son is dead. Because of you. Because of your ego-centric blog. You’ll be hearing from me again soon.

  18. Harvey says:

    My son is dead!!! My son is dead!!!

    Who are you? I still don’t understand what happened. I am in shock. Whatever you did to bring my son to this point of desperation, know that you will receive bitter punishment in return. It’s Christmas and my son is dead. Because of you. Because of your ego-centric blog. You’ll be hearing from me again soon.

  19. Mr. Chair says:

    Blogger has some kind of waiver I signed that absolves me of any death related to mrchair. You have my deepest sympathies, but your son knew what he was getting into.

  20. Mr. Chair says:

    Blogger has some kind of waiver I signed that absolves me of any death related to mrchair. You have my deepest sympathies, but your son knew what he was getting into.

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