Lo tek

Four days or so without cell phone or email, and a following period of time largely Internet free. Surprisingly comforting. I have to admit, when I got into DC Saturday, I didn’t want to charge up my phone and didn’t for another day. I spent the three days prior on the road between St. Louis and here, so when I got into town I was stinking and ready for some stability. Thanks to DC Jerry, I’ve set up the first nest since Denver. He has a beautiful condo in Alexandria, just south of DC, complete with a big screen TV, high-speed Internet, cable, and other amenities that come with years of schooling toward a big-time job at the Pentagon. Jerry is a great host, despite his tendency to be recluse. I think he’s a little spooked by having roommates for the first time in years, but deep down inside, he loves the company.

I did say ‘roommates,’ by the way. I managed to steal a girl from a small town outside of St. Louis. Strangely enough, she’s made guest appearances in this trip while I was in Denver, her hometown in southern Illinois, and Chicago. Each time she managed to steal the show, so it just made sense for me to dump some bags out of the Honda and make room for Sara during the rest of the ride. So she put in two weeks notice, said her goodbyes to a flock of people to whom she means a great deal, and grabbed a seat. Jerry was kind enough to extend the invitation to her (although I admit, the way I framed it, he didn’t have much choice). A highly unexpected turn of events, but one that happened naturally and inevitably, as though it were the only option. And I guess it was, really. More later.

Rewinding to the interlude between towns. We spent a night with Sara’s friend in Lexington, KY, a surprisingly cool college town. The first I saw of her friend Bradley was when she walked through the door of her house and full-force kicked her dog in the side. This is my kind of girl. The dog shredded her roommate’s couch and the entire living room was covered with puffy clouds of cushion stuffing. I thought it was really funny. It was way funnier when she kicked the dog.

The second night between cities was in the New River Gorge in West Virginia. The motto of W. Virginia is “Mountaineers are always free.” The motto of W. Virginia should be, “Mountaineers are always fat assholes.” Still, the campsite was beautiful. Fireflies at dusk, thick soupy air settling in thick damp trees. Bottle of wine and real Kentucky bourbon.

And now, DC. Our nation’s capitol. It’s always great to see Jerry. He’s been my best friend for years, and that allows me to take great advantage as his houseguest. I made him eat fake meat tacos the other day. I call his big stupid dog a “fucking asshole” regularly. And I take great pleasure in moving objects in his house, just a few inches, to see if his OCD forces him to move them back. It always does. I share a room with his ferret, which Sara inexplicably calls his faggot.

I’m now working at defending ferrets for the Human Rights Campaign, and caribou by defending ANWR (sorry Face, I know you’re dying to tear that shit up). Jerry keeps joking about how we’d better be gone in a few days. We’ll see what happens when the jokes stop.

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8 Responses to

  1. Eats With Face says:

    Are you planning on visiting ANWR anytime soon? No? Do you know anyone who is planning on making the incredibly lengthy, time consuming and costly trip up to the far reaches of Alaska? No? So if no one in America, except a few diehard biologists, and God bless every single one of them, is going to go enjoy that frozen land that can only be accessed 2 months out of the year anyhow, why not suck a little of that black gold out of the ground? For the record I think ANWR should not be drilled if it is needed for the survival of any species of flora or fauna. However, I think it should be drilled if the impact can be mitigated so that migrating caribou and whatever else is up there is not detrimentally affected, and if I get a little piece of the action. Everyone should be proud of the work Chair does. It is hard, and demoralizing and must be done.

  2. Mr. Chair says:

    Oh yeah, you’re not a Republican. Sure. I heard Bill O’Reilly make the same argument yesterday on the factor. Hell, if you can’t drive your SUV through it, what’s the point of keeping it around?

  3. Eats With Face says:

    You didn’t watch Bill O’Reilly. You’re bluffing. I have never voted for a Republican and won’t be anytime soon. Maybe what my opinion really signals is a new found, and sorely needed, pragmatism returning to the Democratic party. This Abbeyesque attitude, although fashionable, won’t get us anywhere. The best way to manage our public lands is through compromise and discussion.

  4. Eats With Face says:

    What the fuck is all this trash?!

  5. catfishvegas says:

    You mean your comments on destroying priceless wilderness to fuel a hard-on for oil and make white old men richer? Yeah, what’s with that shit?

  6. Eats With Face says:

    No, actually, that’s not what I was talking about. But thanks again for another example of insults and accusations instead of discussion and compromise. So, should all the liberal folks in the country turn their backs on the entire industry as if it was a pedophilia club or a neo-nazi group, or would you like to see some folks in the field who have an interest in seeing our national lands used intelligently and efficiently? There’s nothing wrong with making money, folks. It’s fucking American. (Notice how I used the word “folks” three times to give this little example of persuasion a down-home, home on the range, I’m proud to be an American feel.)

  7. Mr. Chair says:

    Someone seems to be spamming blogger.

    I have this argument with Face all the time and he’s not budging. Still, saying drilling a wildlife refuge is pragmatic? The most moderate democrat (think Carter instead of Abbey) would agree that the whole point of preserving ANWR is precisely that: NOBODY GOES THERE. That’s the point of a preserve! It’s not for human use! And this isn’t some kind of 49er gold rush at stake here. Very few people (namely Exxon) will make a killing from this, and the nation will have a few months’ supply of oil. This isn’t an economic issue. It’s about special interests and corporate kickback. And it delays the inevitable: Oil is a dying resource, and if we don’t stop living in a dream world and lining our pockets along the way, we’re headed for a massive depression or a world war.

  8. Eats With Face says:

    Oh lordy lordy lordy the end of days are here! The sinners will burn in pits of oil and the righteous will dissapear! You heard it first right here on mrchair.

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