LIaDVp.13: Stan says things like…


Stan has become a fairly integral part of the story at this point, so I’ll take some time to give the reader perspective on what kind of a guy he is. By now, he’s my best, or most prevalent, friend on the mountain. That said, his friendship is the most exasperating one I’ve ever had. One moment you want to give him a hug or buy him a beer, the next you want to fucking strangle him, or at least never see him again. His bullshit is a key to who he is, so here’s a small recollection of Stan Says Things Like…

  • “Thank you for your friendship. It’s been a saving grace. I’m being serious.”
  • “Talk to you anon.”
  • “I’ve been eating (sushi) for so long that I no longer find it amusing when people react with disgust.”
  • “Do you believe there was a man Jesus Christ? (me: Yes, I do) “Then I feel sorry for you.”
  • “You’re aware that I don’t eat terrestrial animals?”
  • “You don’t know anything about bluegrass!”
  • “I can’t give blood. I played around with some boys in my 20s.”
  • “This is some interesting urban music.” (The music playing was Built to Spill!?)
  • “You clearly believe in a sterile environment.” (referring to my use of antiperspirant)
  • “Lawyers are the reason the 2000 election was such a disaster. And if you don’t believe that then I’ll jack off in your face.”
  • “Let’s misbehave.”
  • “Are you a homosexual? Are you a homophobe? Then touch my butt.”
  • “Actually, Copenhagen stopped adding fiberglass. And ever since, it’s never given me the same buzz.”
  • “If you don’t like almonds, wait until you try almond butter.”
  • “Audubon (field guide) is Disneyland shit.”

That may be completely meaningless to someone unfamiliar with this hippie alcoholic historian. But if you thought to yourself, “What the fuck?” while feeling simultaneous surges of amusement and irritation, you now know Stan.






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